Masks

I haven't written a blogpost in over a year, simply because I felt that I had nothing worthwhile to say.
I won't be self-depreciating and claim that what I have to write today isn't that important either, because it is.
A few days ago, a tweeter who I follow posted a poem that really struck a cord with me and I've been thinking about it ever since.
The poem is entitled 'Masks' by Shel Silverstein.

She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by -
And never knew.

Now, I must admit that before this poem, I had no clue about Shel Silverstein's poetry. Since reading this poem, I have read many more poems by him, but this poem is by far my favourite.
It's a children's poem clearly however I think the message it holds transcends age.
What I gather from the poem is that the two people described, spend their whole lives hiding an important aspect of themselves and end up missing the chance of interacting with another individual who shares this same characteristic.
I think it is interesting that Silverstein chooses blue as the colour of their skin. Why not red, or yellow or pink?
I don't want to resemble my English literature teachers in school who would dissect a poem to the extent that I'd think "Errrm I don't think the poet was thinking to that extent. You, sir need to calm all the way down with your literary analysis." However, with this poem, I get the impression that the colour blue has a significance. Blue, to me defines a pure quality about the characters, as opposed to red which I would have interpreted as a suppressed anger or passion of some sort.
What is also interesting, as you will see from the picture I posted with this entry, is the size of the masks the characters are carrying. Signifying that the facade they adopt is too big for them to bear.

The dilemma of the characters as I mentioned earlier transcends age and I believe that it is a dilemma that resonates with everybody in some way or form.
Think of that annoyingly indecisive prince, Hamlet. Shakespeare explored through Hamlet the idea of things being one way yet seeming to be another.
Hamlet says; "To be or not to be that is the question." It is the question, a major one. To act and be as we truly want, or to adopt a persona that is likely to serve as a means of gaining something from our surroundings.
Society dictates to us subliminally that being different isn't ok. So a lot of people strive to appear like everybody else in order to fit in.
Going back to Silverstein's poem, being anything other than our true selves will always be a burden too heavy to bear and within the fallacy of seeming to be, we run the risk of relinquishing whatever chance there may be of meeting people similar to us.

Ok. So now I'm about to veer off with this theme. I'd like to talk about dating.
As I've written already, Silverstein's theme applies to so many different aspects of life but simply because of being a single female and the characters in the poem being male and female, I am inspired to write about my experience of being myself on the dating scene.
I've been on numerous dates where i've ended up feeling rather frustrated at the end of it. There was a feeling I couldn't shake and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Recently I discovered the writer, bell hooks, and through her wisdom I was able to see my frustrations articulated to me and suddenly things started to make sense.
I was conflicted. I kept meeting men who seemed to find my quirky nature interesting but ultimately, they weren't happy that I wasn't willing to fit into certain societal norms. I'm not now, nor will I ever be a damsel in distress. I spent many years being told by fairytales, films, and love songs that I needed a knight in shining armour to save me. I don't need to be save. "I can do bad all by myself."
Seriously though, the white guys I dated wanted to me be like the black females they may have encountered or seen on tv. They expected me to be flattered when they said "I love black women" or "I've never tried a black woman before" or "you're pretty for a black girl." They were waiting for me to fulfil a stereotype that I didn't believe in. Probably expected me to walk into our agreed dating venue popping my booty, singing like Beyonce or shouting like an angry black woman.
I had a guy say to me recently, as I told him my aspirations of working to improve the collective self-esteem of black females that I was "taking this all a bit too seriously."
In the same vein I've been on numerous dates with black men who, at different points in the evening never fail to point out that I "don't speak like a black girl" or more recently that I "speak like I eat a cereal called Shakespeare's sonnets" or let's not forget "you're one of those black girls that thinks you're too smart for a black guy."
Again, it was like I was being expected to fit a stereotype that was far removed from my actual self.
What my extensive reading has shown me is that I am a not meant to fit nicely into a box of another person's perceptions. And that it is better to be single and be myself than to be in a relationship and suppress the real me.

Silverstein's poem struck a cord with me because it celebrates being different and it serves as a warning as to what could happen if you're anything but yourself. You could spend your whole life feeling deep down that you don't quite fit in.
To build healthy self-esteem, an important factor is integrity. Knowing you're not being true to yourself would ultimately lead to a low self-esteem.
I guess I've figured through dating that I can't be anyone else's perception of me. The mask wouldn't hold up for very long and it would be very lonely behind the mask.
I can't dumb myself down to fit a booty popping stereotype, nor can I talk in a manner that is alien to me in order to find common ground with someone else.
I am embracing my "blue skin" and I hope whoever may be reading this, is able to embrace theirs too.

xKx

The End of the Affair

It seems that I tend to blog after reading a piece of classic literature, because that is the situation I have found myself in once again.
I guess the reason it happens is because I love classic literary pieces and somehow, I find a way to relate it to modern day situations-most especially-relationships.
As always, you need not to have read the book in order to grasp the idea that I'm going to attempt to put forward.
The End of The Affair is by Graham Greene. It's written in a first person narrative about a man named Maurice Bendrix and his recollections of a four year love affair with a married woman by the name of Sarah Miles.
Maurice intends to write a "story of hate" but what can be observed as his story progresses, is that the story is more about stifled love.
It appears to me that with Maurice loving Sarah in the way that he did, he was almost blind to the fact that there are many different ways to love and that Sarah loved differently to him.
In the four years they were together, Maurice doubted Sarah's affections and was constantly jealous. I guess that's what you get for getting involved with a married woman.
Anyway
Sarah ended the four year relationship suddenly, and talked about the love of God as a way to describe how she would always love Maurice, even though she felt they could no longer be together.
"you needn't be so scared. Love doesn't end just because we don't see each other...my dear, people go on loving God, don't they, all their lives without seeing him?"
The affair ends after this conversation, with Maurice being convinced that Sarah had met some other man to cheat on her husband with instead.

Stay with me...my point will soon be made clear
Maurice is driven by his jealousy-and lack of closure to a certain degree-to hire a detective in order to find out who exactly Sarah had begun spending her time with instead. In the process, the detective manages to get a hold of Sarah's diary.
It is only when Maurice reads Sarah's diary that he realises that she never stopped loving him, and it was due to her search for a relationship with God-that she decided it was best to stop seeing him and honour her marriage.

Now that you get the gist...
I started to wonder, why did Maurice have to see the diary before he could believe that Sarah had loved him?!
Why were her words and actions never enough?! After all she did say to him that she loved him more than anybody she had ever known. Well...I guess it is hard to trust the integrity of a anyone who isn't being faithful to their partner.
There might be literary critics out there who could read this blog and wonder what the hell I'm on about and why I decided to focus on this particular theme within the novel.
The reason I have decided to focus on Maurice's insecurity and jealousy-is because I can relate to it and I'm sure many other people can too.

Let me tell you about my recent shenanigans

I was seeing a guy for two months, who was probably quite a lot of what I looked for in a partner, but just like Maurice, I spent a lot of time fretting over the integrity of his affections.
I remember seeing a girl who was clearly being flirtatious with him in a photo, and being upset about it. He responded that it was the girl's body language not his, but either way I felt that to take a picture of it meant that he didn't mind her evidently flirtatious nature. Yes clearly there was jealousy involved in how I felt and I won't deny that, however that doesn't take away from the legitimacy of my view on the picture.

Insecurity is a bitch...
I remember watching an Eliza Doolittle performance with him and wondering whether he fancied her backing singer...I'm sad right?! I know.

Anyway, said guy went away for ten days to the Middle East and I knew I wasn't likely to hear from him for those ten days. Regardless of the messages he sent beforehand to let me know that he would call upon his return, I still wasn't reassured and I spent at least seven of the ten days fretting over-whether his time away would mean that he had lost interest in me, or if something would have come from the possibility that he may have shared a room with female friends.

Trust me, sometimes talking to friends about how you're feeling doesn't always help

Some friends suggested that I should forget about him, because they reasoned "who can't reach a computer to email, I mean-he must know that you'd be worried about whether he even arrived safely."
Other friends simply said "worrying is futile. Live your life. whatever happens-happens."

I maintain that you could look at the situation from either of the angles mentioned, yet you still wouldn't be able to ignore the fact that my insecurities are the main factor. Not the photo of the forward girl, not Eliza's backing singer, nor the trip to the Middle East, or the sharing of rooms, or the lack of contact.

I remember that at a point in the book, Maurice states "insecurity is the worst sense that lovers feel...Insecurity twists meanings and poisons trust"
Insecurity is a genuine human emotion, but excessive amounts can prove detrimental to interpersonal relationships.
A detective in the story says to Maurice "there is nothing discreditable about jealousy, I salute it as a mark of true love"
would you agree with this statement??
Part of me agrees and at this point I would like to refer to the bible where God is described as a "jealous God." If God is capable of feeling jealousy, due to how much he cares for his children, then surely lovers can feel jealousy too.
Almost instantly, I am inclined to refer to the new testament I Corinthians:13 where it states "love is not jealous." I'm sure by now you can understand my confusion.

I've come to a conclusion...
Too many of us spend a lifetime in tumultuous affairs with our insecurities, so much so that regardless of the partner we're with, that partner would only ever be a third party in the somewhat destructive relationship we have with our irrational fears.
I know numerous people who instinctively choose partners who they know "aren't good enough for them" partners who they feel would need or worship them in some capacity.
I don't think this is healthy.
I'd say its best to be with someone who you feel you are on the same level with, someone who wants you for no other reason that the fact that they enjoy your company and genuinely value you.
Being in a relationship with someone because you think you can fix them, is silly, because you can't "fix" anybody. Only the individual has the power to fix themselves.

Running from insecurities is a futile action...
no matter where you run, you can never outrun yourself. I think its Pablo Neruda who wrote that "one day you will find yourself, and only that will be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life."
Address your insecurities and find out where they are rooted within you, and help that part of you to heal. you can only heal a wound with something pure. Truth is pure.
I am a firm believer in the idea that we were all wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of all that is divine. There will always be someone you consider more attractive than yourself, but essentially there is only one you and the essence of you is your true beauty, not all that is seen on the surface.
When you meet someone who is enamoured by the essence of you, it is unfair to worry about all the other people they could have decided to be with instead of you, or to doubt their affections. they didn't want all of those people, they wanted you. You are worthy of affection, so embrace it.
Don't get me wrong, people make mistakes and at times people will hurt you-but to live in constant fear or avoidance of this won't bring you much happiness.

I've written all of this as my way of slowly ending my lifelong affair with my insecurities. I hope the duality of intent in my choice of title for this blog is now clear. I saw myself in Maurice and it spurred me into action.
I suggest we all start to end our affairs with insecurities (which form the roots of jealousy) and focus on something capable of positive reciprocity. Love. Love of ourselves, love of life, love of those around us and especially love of all that is divine.
When you love yourself truly, you radiate love and only those capable of love can be drawn to you. Your past fears of being hurt or of not being good enough-will wither under the light of your new found infinite capacity to love purely.

Love (with less insecurities...) Cocoa xx

Dating Etiquette and other bullshit myths

So as you can probably gather from the title of this post, I don't plan to be particularly coy on the matter at hand, and rightly so, because beating around the bush doesn't help anybody-not even the bush.
You might not be aware of this, because I don't think I've mentioned it in previous posts, but I'm actually an actor. I didn't throw that statement in randomly, all will be made clear shortly.

I am currently part of the cast of a series called "Persona" a drama that is exclusively for iPhone and Android users, and the series is based on the lives of different people who have one thing in common- a dating website they've all signed up to, known as I heart U.co.uk, or something like that.
Now I'm not a great follower of method acting, but I believed that in order to have a better understanding of how these dating sites work, that it would be a good idea to join one.
I hope you'll see that this was a feasible reason to join a dating site, because my opinion of dating sites before wasn't that great. I basically thought dating sites were for weirdos who couldn't pull anyone in real life.
Obviously upon joining the site, I realised that its pretty much normal, everyday people who probably wouldn't have the chance to meet the kind of person they'd like due to their working pattern or just the restraints of their lifestyles or social circle. It was only after joining the site that I realised just how big this whole online dating thing is, and it truly amazed me to discover through friends, just how many people had met and settled down together, after meeting on a dating site.

Anyway, so I joined the site and instantly messages were flying in (had my legs out in the photos I put up, you see) and it was a nice ego boost to see just how many men in the UK, especially London-wanted to meet me.
It was obvious that a few of these guys were busy copying and pasting the same message to every girl, but there were a couple who were actually really interesting to talk to. You're probably wondering where I'm heading with this story and I guess I'm working on linking my two points as seamlessly as possible. It would appear that through online dating, there is now a new etiquette to the way that people interact and get together, and it would seem like the whole online dating taboo has pretty much been broken. In other words, it seems to me like the acceptance of the different ways in which people can find a partner, are being explored and embraced by the masses.

cool...

So why the hell is it that we can't change other dating rules??
Why is it that certain rules of dating seem almost as set in stone as the ten commandments??
Why does the man have to be in control of the dating line dance??
I've been on a few dates recently and I've never been the type to be shy about talking about things that are going on in my life (you'll know this if you follow me on twitter) so I'd like to draw on a few things that I've noticed, and discussed with friends.
I get the strong feeling that there are women feeling really dejected out there because of rules that they're too scared to break.
A guy I was talking to told me about a woman who sent him a message on a dating site saying "I noticed that you looked at my page, but you didn't send me a message. What is it about me that put you off sending me a message?"
Initially, I agreed with the guy that its so weird and stalkerish almost, that she did that, but then I thought about it. I mean I REALLY thought about it, and I decided that I admire her balls.
I go to numerous auditions and end up not getting quite a few of them, and its an industry norm to ask for feedback from the casting director as to how they felt your audition went.
I never ask for feedback unless its offered, why? because I'm scared. I'm scared that they might say something that would bruise my ego. I'm a coward, so sue me.
Now this ballsy lady, she isn't a coward, because she is prepared to read whatever this random guy whom she has never met, has to say to her, because she wants to know so maybe she might be able to work on that aspect, if she feels its appropriate.
I don't think the guy responded to her message.

Shame...

A woman stands up for herself, and she's seen as a weirdo.
A lot of aspects of dating are like this. Women don't make the first move, women shouldn't ask questions about where the relationship is heading because it comes across as too needy, women shouldn't assume a guy is willing to commit-even if he has spent every waking hour with her, women shouldn't put all their eggs into one basket.

what the hell??
How many things are women not allowed to do, and have you noticed how some of this advice is conflicting?

"don't put all your eggs into one basket" but "don't date more than one guy, because then you're a slut and nobody respects a slut"
In the patriarchal society we live in, it seems that women are force fed do's and don'ts about crap that leaves them confused and unhappy.
I think women should take charge of themselves. I don't mean in the Rihanna way, where you wear uncomfortable heels, walk around half naked, wear garish false lashes, and grab your crotch claiming that you're a bad bitch.
Women are not bitches.
I mean take charge in the sense of taking your love life into your own hands and refusing to be told how things should be done in a society that's evidently doing it all wrong.
Take for instance the "don't ask where the relationship is going too early on" now, fair enough, it might be a bit weird to go demanding where a relationship is headed after three hours of meeting a guy, but it does get to a point where you may have been seeing a guy for a while and spending quite a lot of time together, but there aren't exactly any conversations taking place about how you both view each other.
I'm not saying that relationships need to be labelled,but I am saying that both parties need to be clear on what the hell is going on.
I've seen it happen numerous times, where friends of mine have been with a guy for a number of months, staying over, going to events together, generally enjoying each other's company and then BLAM!! they see the guy at Nando's with another girl.
so they're upset, and then made to feel even worse by being told "we didn't say we were actually 'together'" eeek!!
I would say that a lot of guys would comfortably go along with not mentioning where a relationship is headed because the lack of discussion about it, acts as their get out clause if "something better comes along"
Don't be a time-filler...I read the novel "Eat Pray Love" a while back and I remember reading a particular part that said "be the kind of guy you want to date" or something like that...If it didn't say that then, I'm saying it.
Basically like attracts like...if you know what you want in a guy, then consciously make sure that your lifestyle reflects these qualities, because I'm sorry to say there are women out there who want a "high tea at the Ritz" kinda guy, when they're living "extra value meal" lifestyles.
Don't be afraid to ask a guy after a sufficient amount of time where a relationship is headed, because if he is the kind of guy that doesn't want to answer the question, he might not be the kind of guy you want. Don't be scared of being alone.
Society says you should let a man take charge and make you feel beautiful and loved. I'm sorry, but I don't have time to wait for someone to make me feel loved, when I could very well get a head start by loving myself. Media shoves images in our faces everyday, indicating that we're not alright as we are, that we should lose weight, wear this, and buy that to love ourselves. I say its bullshit. Love yourself anyway, buying all those things won't change the person you are inside, and its the person inside that you need to live with for the rest of your life.


I've rambled on for quite a bit, and maybe at some point, I will expand on a few more points, all I will say on a closing note is that we women need to grow some balls.

XxCocoaxX

"The dog it was that died"

Late last night, I finished reading "The Painted Veil" by W. Somerset Maugham.
The novel was filled with so many beautiful statements that I would love to quote, however I will only focus on one quote from the book.
I can't put my finger on what caught my heart when I read this particular line, but I imagine, it evoked many thoughts of which I would like to share.
Just before I carry on, I would like to point out that you need not have read the novel in order to understand this blog, so do not panic!
Just to give you the general idea of the plot; the novel focuses on a married couple, Walter and Kitty, who move to Hong Kong due to the nature of Walter's work as a bacteriologist. Kitty has never loved Walter, but she was desperate to get married before her sister. so she accepted his proposal, being well aware that he bored her and that she did not find him attractive in the slightest. Walter loved Kitty though, so much so that he turned a blind eye to the fact that she didn't love him and he was content with being able to love her.
Everything changes when Walter discovers that Kitty has been having an affair and he exacts a very weird revenge.
In order to spite Kitty, Walter has her move with him to an area 600 miles away from Hong Kong, an area suffering from a terrible cholera outbreak.

During their stay in Mei-Tan-Fu, Kitty discovers just how worthless her life used to be, and how shallow she once was. Kitty also begins to understand love and gains an insight into just how deeply she would have hurt Walter due to her infidelity.
Kitty is aware that the initial reason for Walter insisting that she follow him to such a dangerous area, is because he hoped she might die from cholera, however over time it is clear that he no longer wishes her any harm, but greatly despises himself for loving someone whom he very well knew-could never love him.

Walter dies from cholera, but with his last breath, he utters a quote to Kitty as she begs him to forgive her.
Walter says "The dog it was that died." Just as the character Kitty was confused by this statement, so was I. I thought to myself, what a cryptic way to say goodbye?!
Kitty later asks another character known as Waddington, the meaning of Walter's final words, and she is told that it is the final line from Goldsmith's Elegy.
Kitty's curiosity of Walter's final words seemed to end at that point, but mine didn't.
I wanted to understand what Walter was trying to communicate in his final moment, so I decided to look up Oliver Goldsmith's "Elegy on the death of a mad dog."

Good people all, of every sort,
Give ear unto my song;
And if you find it wondrous short,
It cannot hold you long.

In Islington there was a man,
Of whom the world might say
That still a godly race he ran,
Whene'er he went to pray.

A kind and gentle heart he had,
To comfort friends and foes;
The naked every day he clad,
When he put on his clothes.

And in that town a dog was found,
As many dogs there be,
Both mongrel, puppy, whelp and hound,
And curs of low degree.

This dog and man at first were friends;
But when a pique began,
The dog, to gain some private ends,
Went mad and bit the man.

Around from all the neighbouring streets
The wondering neighbours ran,
And swore the dog had lost his wits,
To bite so good a man.

The wound it seemed both sore and sad
To every Christian eye;
And while they swore the dog was mad,
They swore the man would die.

But soon a wonder came to light,
That showed the rogues they lied:
The man recovered of the bite,
The dog it was that died.
-- Oliver Goldsmith

Upon reading this poem, my heart broke many times for Walter, yet, I understood the significance of the last line also being his last line in the novel.
An outsider would have been unaware of the way in which Kitty had hurt Walter, because the knowledge of the betrayal had been kept between themselves and the man with whom she had been unfaithful.
People may have thought her a good wife for following Walter to such a dangerous region, yet they knew not of the underlying reason as to why she had gone.
Walter saw Kitty as the good man in the poem and himself as the mad dog, and just as we know nothing of the reason the good man and the mad dog fall out, outsiders would have known nothing of Walter's reasons for insisting that Kitty follow him to Mei-Tan-Fu.
There was a certainty in Kitty's view that she would surely die from being amidst the cholera epidemic, but lo and behold, it was the "mad dog" Walter who died instead.

I didn't intend to write a literature essay, I just wanted to give sufficient insight into my reasoning for making the next statement:
In all things, no matter how difficult, learn to forgive. Not for the sake of the wrongdoer, but for your own sake.I say this because just like Kitty, I don't believe that Walter died from cholera, I believe that he died of a broken heart and the soul devouring hatred he bore for himself for having loved and received no love in return.
I always remember the "Lord's prayer" in which one asks God to "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
If you don't believe in a God, that's fine. You don't need to forgive others in the hopes that God may forgive you for your own sin, but just forgive anyway in order that you might have a lighter heart.
I know forgiving someone who has hurt you greatly is a hard task, but one must remember that to not forgive is to enslave yourself to a negative emotion. In order to be free, you would need to release yourself from the shackles of your negative emotions.

I haven't forgiven a few people for the major wrongs they've done me, however, after reading W.somerset Maugham's wonderfully written book and also Oliver Goldsmith's thought inspiring poem- I have decided that I don't want to be the mad dog. I want to be free and I want the same for anybody reading this.

Lets all agree to forgive, we don't have to find the wrongdoer in order to tell them because they may not care for our forgiveness or even consider that they have done anything wrong. We just need to say it in our hearts and let go of it all.

I hope somehow that this touches somebody somewhere in the world.

x-Cocoa-x

Too busy...

I've just experienced something that I feel, must be shared with the masses.
I think its something that we have all done to someone or have had done to us, but it is still something that needs to be addressed.
Let me start off by saying what happened and then I will state my thoughts.
I sent quite a long text message to a guy and after many hours, the reply I received was "I will reply when I have time to." What would you say to this? Would you say "fair enough, they're obviously busy, so might as well wait until they're less busy in order to get my reponse." To be honest that is the answer I would give to someone who presented me with this issue too.

Hold up though....There's something else

What if this person has a twitter page, and after texting you saying "I'll reply when I have time to" they're happily tweeting away as if they don't have a care in the world?!
What would you say then? Because now, you'd have to view the text message in a brand new context.
I've had many guys text me and call me and ask when we'd meet up and I've replied hundreds of times "I'm really busy right now, but I'll let you know when my workload eases up."
We must have all done it at some point, without thinking as to why we're always busy when its a particular person that requires our attention.

You want to know what I think??

I think nobody is ever "too busy" it just depends on who is asking for our time.
If you're a guy or a girl that keeps getting told by someone else that theyre too busy, please just get the picture. They're not too busy. They're just too busy to talk or meet up with you.
Its not something you should take to heart (although it is easier said than done) you have to view the situation from an objective perspective.
Do you value yourself?
OK...so if you had a fantastic antique piece that you know is worth an incomprehendable amount of money, would you chase people down to buy it off you or would you sell it for less than it's worth? I hope your answer to that was "no."

Now apply that logic...

If you know what you're worth and what you deserve, why chase people down to make them spend time with you? A person that deserves you would be capable of seeing your qualities, you shouldn't have to spell it out to them.
You shouldn't ever be anyone's pass time. Kahlil Gibran states in his book "The Prophet" that "You should never seek your friend with time to kill...seek them with time to live." What I think he means by this is that your friend should actively want to see you to have fun, not as a distraction or to while away time.

"Everything has its beauty...But not everybody sees it."
Remember this statement.
Many guys have waited indefinitely for a female to want them, sometimes she never does or finally she comes round to the idea but never gives it her all.
Same with females waiting for a guy who wouldn't wait for them.

Moral of this blog is this...
We are all priceless in they eyes of God...if a person is blind to your worth or too busy to notice it, then you're better off without them.

Ciao
x-Cocoa-x

Not like it was love...

It’s over now.
Not like anything truly began
I just know that it’s definitely over.
A race that’s finished, without ever being ran.
It has left a mark on me though
This thing that wasn’t anything exact.
A tiny argument that changed into a war
Over opinions disguised as fact.

When something dies so soon
Before it could even begin
It is fair to say that trying to revive it
Is a battle which you’re unlikely to win.
It is best to move on, and not write poems
That makes me look like a lovesick punk.
It is better to get over the moment
In which your heart truly sunk.

It’s not like it was love
It’s not like I’m left heartbroken.
There’s just this niggling feeling
That many things were left unspoken.
Life goes on though, could probably forget this by next week
Can’t ignore the reality though,
that; while I wrote this, a tear rolled down my cheek

Nothing

If life, in all its complexity, were to cease-there would be nothing.
I would rather the heartbreak than nothing.
I would rather the tears, than nothing.
I would rather the deception, the broken dreams, the feeling of lacking any worth-than nothing.
I would rather wishing for the world to stop than nothing.
Because throughout the multitude of painful moments, there is still something, something deep down that insists on living through all this...
I would rather something, than nothing.
Cocoa K