Masks

I haven't written a blogpost in over a year, simply because I felt that I had nothing worthwhile to say.
I won't be self-depreciating and claim that what I have to write today isn't that important either, because it is.
A few days ago, a tweeter who I follow posted a poem that really struck a cord with me and I've been thinking about it ever since.
The poem is entitled 'Masks' by Shel Silverstein.

She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by -
And never knew.

Now, I must admit that before this poem, I had no clue about Shel Silverstein's poetry. Since reading this poem, I have read many more poems by him, but this poem is by far my favourite.
It's a children's poem clearly however I think the message it holds transcends age.
What I gather from the poem is that the two people described, spend their whole lives hiding an important aspect of themselves and end up missing the chance of interacting with another individual who shares this same characteristic.
I think it is interesting that Silverstein chooses blue as the colour of their skin. Why not red, or yellow or pink?
I don't want to resemble my English literature teachers in school who would dissect a poem to the extent that I'd think "Errrm I don't think the poet was thinking to that extent. You, sir need to calm all the way down with your literary analysis." However, with this poem, I get the impression that the colour blue has a significance. Blue, to me defines a pure quality about the characters, as opposed to red which I would have interpreted as a suppressed anger or passion of some sort.
What is also interesting, as you will see from the picture I posted with this entry, is the size of the masks the characters are carrying. Signifying that the facade they adopt is too big for them to bear.

The dilemma of the characters as I mentioned earlier transcends age and I believe that it is a dilemma that resonates with everybody in some way or form.
Think of that annoyingly indecisive prince, Hamlet. Shakespeare explored through Hamlet the idea of things being one way yet seeming to be another.
Hamlet says; "To be or not to be that is the question." It is the question, a major one. To act and be as we truly want, or to adopt a persona that is likely to serve as a means of gaining something from our surroundings.
Society dictates to us subliminally that being different isn't ok. So a lot of people strive to appear like everybody else in order to fit in.
Going back to Silverstein's poem, being anything other than our true selves will always be a burden too heavy to bear and within the fallacy of seeming to be, we run the risk of relinquishing whatever chance there may be of meeting people similar to us.

Ok. So now I'm about to veer off with this theme. I'd like to talk about dating.
As I've written already, Silverstein's theme applies to so many different aspects of life but simply because of being a single female and the characters in the poem being male and female, I am inspired to write about my experience of being myself on the dating scene.
I've been on numerous dates where i've ended up feeling rather frustrated at the end of it. There was a feeling I couldn't shake and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
Recently I discovered the writer, bell hooks, and through her wisdom I was able to see my frustrations articulated to me and suddenly things started to make sense.
I was conflicted. I kept meeting men who seemed to find my quirky nature interesting but ultimately, they weren't happy that I wasn't willing to fit into certain societal norms. I'm not now, nor will I ever be a damsel in distress. I spent many years being told by fairytales, films, and love songs that I needed a knight in shining armour to save me. I don't need to be save. "I can do bad all by myself."
Seriously though, the white guys I dated wanted to me be like the black females they may have encountered or seen on tv. They expected me to be flattered when they said "I love black women" or "I've never tried a black woman before" or "you're pretty for a black girl." They were waiting for me to fulfil a stereotype that I didn't believe in. Probably expected me to walk into our agreed dating venue popping my booty, singing like Beyonce or shouting like an angry black woman.
I had a guy say to me recently, as I told him my aspirations of working to improve the collective self-esteem of black females that I was "taking this all a bit too seriously."
In the same vein I've been on numerous dates with black men who, at different points in the evening never fail to point out that I "don't speak like a black girl" or more recently that I "speak like I eat a cereal called Shakespeare's sonnets" or let's not forget "you're one of those black girls that thinks you're too smart for a black guy."
Again, it was like I was being expected to fit a stereotype that was far removed from my actual self.
What my extensive reading has shown me is that I am a not meant to fit nicely into a box of another person's perceptions. And that it is better to be single and be myself than to be in a relationship and suppress the real me.

Silverstein's poem struck a cord with me because it celebrates being different and it serves as a warning as to what could happen if you're anything but yourself. You could spend your whole life feeling deep down that you don't quite fit in.
To build healthy self-esteem, an important factor is integrity. Knowing you're not being true to yourself would ultimately lead to a low self-esteem.
I guess I've figured through dating that I can't be anyone else's perception of me. The mask wouldn't hold up for very long and it would be very lonely behind the mask.
I can't dumb myself down to fit a booty popping stereotype, nor can I talk in a manner that is alien to me in order to find common ground with someone else.
I am embracing my "blue skin" and I hope whoever may be reading this, is able to embrace theirs too.

xKx